


All I Need

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Sterek Week '18 [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awesome Sheriff Stilinski, Break Up, Established Relationship, Feels, Guilt, Introspection, M/M, Post-Canon, Sad, Sterek Week 2018, Unrequited Love, stereklyrics4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 23:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16418390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Stiles and Derek are together and in a stable relationship. It's going well. Until Stiles starts to realize the way he feels about Derek might not be the way Derek feels about him.





	All I Need

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ithinkwehaveanemergency](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/gifts).
  * Translation into Español available: [All I Need (Traducción)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400410) by [lbp98l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbp98l/pseuds/lbp98l)



> For Day 2 of Sterek Week: Lyrics and Quotes.  
> For Adri who suggested the song [All I Need](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV1hQSt2hSE) by Radiohead.

_You are all I need_   
_You are all I need_   
_I'm in the middle of your picture_   
_Lying in the reeds_

Stiles and Derek are drawn to each other, they always have been. The attraction there was something almost palpable to begin with, but both of them had always been too afraid to reach out and take it. Until one night they do. It’s’ after years of looks and built up tension that they finally fall together. And it is falling. Stiles doesn’t think there’s any other word for it. They’ve always been teetering on the edge of something so of course when they come together, they fall.

Sometimes Stiles feels like he’s still falling. He loves Derek, he knows he does, and sometimes when Derek looks at him he think he might love him too. But they never say it. The words are too big and saying them would push them towards something neither one of them think they deserve.

Stiles gets lost in it. In the dates and the sex and just being with Derek. It takes a while for Stiles to realize that the perfect relationship he has with Derek might not be perfect after all. He loves Derek. He loves him with his whole being, but Stiles has always been one to get in over his head. And while he knows Derek loves him, he realizes it’s not really the same. He always took the distance that would sometimes be between them as Derek just being Derek. Now he realizes it’s something else.

There’s still a part of his mind that keeps screaming at him that this isn’t right. He tries to ignore it, and just let himself enjoy being with Derek, but it’s becoming harder and harder to do. Especially when some nights he’ll look at Derek, and see him staring off into the distance looking lost. He knows they’ve both been through a lot.

They have their issues. It’s part of what brought them together, but they’re older now. And while they’ve done their best to move past it all, the damage is still there. While it was all well and good for them to lean on each other in the past, Stiles can’t help but wonder if by staying here he’s holding Derek back from something truly good.

It’s not that Stiles thinks he’s not good enough for Derek. He’s had years to work out his self-esteem issues. It’s just that… after everything Derek deserves to be with someone that loves him. While Stiles does, he knows it might not be enough, especially since Derek doesn’t love him like that.

The thought keeps him up at night sometimes, guilt and worry clawing at him. He loves Derek, and wants the best for him. But he can’t help but wonder if he’s any better than anyone Derek has dated in the past. They all used him in some way, and while Stiles would never do anything to hurt Derek, he can’t shake the feeling that he’s doing the same.

He can’t help the guilt that keeps eating away at him, no matter what he does. It’s after one particularly bad panic attack in the bathroom of the restaurant they’re having dinner at with his Dad, that Stiles realizes he can’t do this anymore. He knows Derek realizes something is off. He watches him closely the whole drive back to the loft, but Stiles remains silent. He doesn’t think he could speak if he wanted to right now.

Stiles starts pacing the moment they get into the loft, trying to gather his thoughts and figure out the best way to do this with the least amount of damage to them both.

“Stiles?”

Stiles stops, bowing his head. He keeps his back to Derek as he whispers out the words he’s been dreading, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?”

Stiles doesn’t have to turn around to see the confusion that must be on Derek’s face.

“I can’t do it, Der,” Stiles says. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t use you like they did.”

“Stiles you’re not—”

Derek puts a hand on Stiles’ arm but Stiles jumps away, holding his hands up in front of him as he finally turns to face Derek. “Please don’t touch me. If you touch me, I won’t be able to do this.”

“Then don’t,” Derek says, trying to take a step towards Stiles. He sighs when Stiles backs away. “Stiles you don’t have to do this.”

“I do though,” Stiles tells him, feeling his eyes start to sting with the tears he’s been fighting. “I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. But I know you don’t love me, or at least you’re not in love with me. And that’s okay. I don’t expect you to. I just think you’re here because it’s safe and it’s comfortable.”

“So? Is that so wrong?” Derek asks him. He looks devastated already and Stiles hates it. “That I would want to be with someone that makes me feel safe and I’m comfortable with?”

“Of course not. But it’s not fair to either of us for me to keep being with you knowing that this isn’t… You deserve to have a chance to find someone that loves you and you love in return, Derek. Someone that’s good for you, and that isn’t damaged.”

“But what if I don’t want anyone else?” Derek asks, tears slipping past his eyes but he makes no move to brush them away. “What if I want this? You?”

“You don’t,” Stiles says. “I know you don’t. And as much as I love you and want to stay here with you, I can’t. I won’t be that selfish.”

He moves towards Derek, letting himself place one last lingering kiss to his lips. He pulls back and puts a hand on Derek’s cheek, allowing himself to feel the softness of Derek’s beard beneath his fingers, knowing he won’t feel it again.

“Be happy, Der.”

He can hear Derek crying behind him, and whispering his name, as he walks towards the door. Each step feels like a knife to his chest. He makes himself keep going. He only stops once he’s outside the loft and the door is shut. Then he stands there, leaning against the door as his tears fall freely from his eyes. He hears Derek on the other side of the door but he doesn’t move to open it. He can’t.

As he walks away he feels himself breaking, and wonders how he’s supposed to drive like this. But he knows he can’t go back. This is what has to be done.

He lets out a sob of relief when he exits the building and sees his Dad there, leaning against the jeep. Stiles doesn’t have to ask how he knows. He probably picked up on the tension at dinner. He puts his arms around Stiles when he gets to him, pulling him in for a tight hug. “You did the right thing,” he tells him.

“I know,” Stiles says, his words coming out choked. “That doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

His Dad squeezes his neck and pulls back, taking the keys from Stiles’ hand. “Let’s go home. We’ll figure the rest out in the morning.”

When Stiles looks up as they start to drive away, he’s not sure if he’s relieved to see that Derek isn’t there in the window as he often would be. It’s probably for the best. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting the hum of his jeep calm him. He knows in his mind that this is the right thing to do for both of them. His heart just doesn’t seem to be on the same page yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/Comments make my day. ♥  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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